“Hideout” – Friday Fictioneers, 9 September 2012
It was almost pitch black inside. He quickly stepped inside and closed the wooden door behind him. The floorboards moaned under the weight of his steps. The place wasn’t perfect but it looked like a good place to hide from them.
He tried to keep his head clear from any thoughts. They would find him as soon as he allowed a single one entering his mind. The pain seemed less intense now. He relaxed a little bit and sat down on the floor. He wondered if anyone would miss him. Immediately the darkness became darker and the air thickened. I’m a naive fool, he thought. No one will ever miss me. He sighed. They had found him.
Once more, the pain became more apparent...
This story has been written as an entry for the Friday Fictioneers. Go to Madison Woods' blog to find out more about it. Comments and constructive criticism are most welcome.
Categories
- Friday Fictioneers (3)
- General (1)
- Reviews (1)
- Short Stories (3)
Archives
- September 2012 (1)
- July 2012 (2)
- November 2009 (1)
- October 2009 (1)
September 6th, 2012 - 04:55
Fascinating story. He slipped into thinking and they detected his thoughts. He was right. They didn’t miss him. They found him. It’s so difficult to maintain stealth when the enemy can monitor thoughts. It won’t be long before this kind of thing becomes a reality.
http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/soul-reacher-copyright-2012-ilyan-kei-lavanway/
September 6th, 2012 - 12:31
It’s that Big Brother thing again which frightens the bejeesees out of me. Nice work. I’m 9 on the list.
September 6th, 2012 - 12:35
Lovely story! We seem to have thought along similar lines..
See if you agree..
http://100words100stories100days.wordpress.com/other-short-stories/rebirth/
September 6th, 2012 - 15:30
Excellent story! I like the concept of detectable thought processes. Nice work.
September 7th, 2012 - 00:17
Liked the story, lots. Now I have to go figure out how not to think in case I need to hide in the future!
September 7th, 2012 - 03:06
Nice story!
September 7th, 2012 - 04:38
It is difficult to not slip when it comes to thoughts….
September 7th, 2012 - 05:18
good one, my mind wanders so much I wouldn’t last a minute.